you were there first
for the chronically online
by the chronically online
early. then gone.
the tag is blank on purpose
Medical forms don't come with the name filled in. Neither do ours.
Every garment ships with an empty PATIENT field inside the collar. It's yours. Write your @, write nothing, write something you'll regret.
Use a permanent marker. Ballpoint washes out, and we're not replacing it.
ONSET ....... AGE 11
PROGNOSIS ... TERMINAL
DO NOT BLEACH
USE PERMANENT MARKER
DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS
inpatient
No one has been admitted yet. Intake is autumn, and it stays small when it happens.
outpatient
Nothing on the line yet. When it starts, something goes up Monday and comes down twenty-one days later.
discharged
Nothing has expired yet. Come back when something has.
most meme merch is eight months late.
we find it
Buried in a comment section, weeks before it becomes a format. That's the only part that's actually hard.
it's a shirt
Five days from joke to listing. Everyone else takes eight months, by which point you've stopped finding it funny.
it's gone
Down whether it sold out or not, into the discharge log. Scarcity isn't a tactic here, it's the product.
you will miss one
Drops go up Monday and come down twenty-one days later. No restocks, no second printing. Leave an address and we'll tell you when the first one is dispensed.